“You’re human. You’re doing the best you can. Even when you’re not, you’re doing great.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
“It’s tough, and it’s tough before a pandemic. They don’t advertise alcohol to adults for no reason. But it’s life— Show up for it! You’re not going to know your successes till you look behind and see what you’ve done.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
“If you know that there are things you can do that help you, do them— It can feel like you’re taking time away from your family or it’s selfish. But push through it because it’s the most selfless thing you can do. It allows you to be a better parent and your family needs you to do that.” -Emily Moriarty
“There’s no separation. There’s no difference. If you do it for yourself, you’re doing it for them.” -Connor Moriarty
As we are coming out of the pandemic, it’s easy to feel like we’re doing everything wrong. We’re constantly tired, we’re stressed, and sometimes it feels like our only redeeming quality is that we were born with parenting genes and therefore are genetically predisposed to rock parenting (in some way hopefully).
But it’s important to not let this get us down. We’re doing just fine. In fact, it’s possible that we’re doing better than most people right now. We’re just not aware of how good a job we’ve been doing because we’re too busy trying not to scream at our kids or throw up on them (or ourselves).
At least, we’re still doing some things right: We’re still alive and are now looking forward to surviving the coming years as a parent with sanity still intact. And we haven’t snapped out and killed somebody yet considering how much sleep we have lost ever since becoming parents.
As parents who are navigating the challenges of this transition period, it can be difficult to balance being good parents and taking care of our own mental health. But, the pandemic has also been a time of growth and self-discovery.
In this episode, Jay sits down with Gonzo parents, Michelle and Timothy to talk about how parents can operate from a place of awareness and self-love while dealing with the challenges of the transition, how to navigate mental health issues that resurfaced because of the pandemic, how being deliberate with our actions can help us heal, and why we should give ourselves permission to be vulnerable.
Next, Jay interviews our expert guests, power couple Connor and Emily Moriarty. Connor and Emily discuss how trauma and stress manifest in our bodies, how to identify the aspects of our lives that we became disconnected from, the role of the community in our parenting journey, how to reset, and how exploring our own emotions and caring for ourselves can grow our capacity as parents.
Parents may feel helpless, but gonzo parenting is all about the trial-by-fire learning experience of how to become the parents we wish had. And when we’ve come out on the other side of this roller-coaster ride, maybe we can look back with a little perspective. But until then, let’s hear from our guests…
Episode Highlights:
With Our Gonzo Parents
- 02:05 Meet Michelle and Timothy
- 14:11 Challenges During the Transition Period
- 24:49 The Pandemic and Mental Health Issues
- 33:00 Building Deeper Connections
- 39:24 When Asking for Help is a Challenge
- 46:55 Be as Human as Possible
With Our Expert Guests
- 54:31 Meet Connor and Emily Moriarty
- 01:02:15 It’s More Than The Uncertainty
- 01:10:01 How Trauma and Stress Manifest Themselves
- 01:15:28 The Role of Community in Healing and Parenting
- 01:22:28 How to Get a Reset
Resources:
[bctt tweet=”You want to be a good parent, but you also want to take care of yourself, and sometimes it’s just too much. So what do you do? Tune in as @JayRooke, Gonzo Parents Michelle and Timothy, and our expert guests, Connor and Emily Moriarty share tips on navigating our mental health while growing our capacity as parents. Click https://gonzoparenting.com/ for resources and shownotes. #JayRooke #Podcast #GonzoParenting #transitionperiod #PostCOVID #newnormal #healthyhabits #burnout #mentalhealth #relationships #PTSD #TraumaticStress ” username=””]
Meet Our Guest:
Connor Moriarty is the Founder / Director of Reset Outdoors, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Pennsylvania, and also a Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC) and a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. He earned a dual Master’s Degree from Arcadia University in International Peace and Conflict Resolution and Counseling Psychology with a certification in Trauma and Recovery.
While his work is grounded in validated theories and techniques, Connor is also creative, continuously developing his capacity for meeting client needs with innovative strategies. Connor feels most at peace in the great outdoors. He is most drawn to water and trees, particularly places where there are both! Connor is a certified ACA level 1 kayak and stand-up paddle board instructor.
Since integrating CliftonStrengths into his work, Connor’s approach has become even more unique and effective. With a focus on behavioral and organizational sustainability, the Reset Outdoors Ascent program is the first strengths-and-nature-based team conditioning program in the United States.
Emily Moriarty is the Director of Clinical Services at Reset Outdoors, a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Pennsylvania, in practice since 2016. She earned a master’s degree in Counseling and Human Services from Lehigh University.
Emily intentionally tailors her approach to each client’s specific needs, utilizing a number of evidence-based therapeutic techniques. She believes each individual already possesses exactly what they need to achieve healing, therefore she works hard to support her clients in their efforts to uncover their own power, resilience, and sense of peace.
While she works with people from all different backgrounds, she specializes in working with the LGBTQ+ population, particularly related to issues of gender and sexuality. Supporting people through social and/or medical transitions is a part of her career that she is especially passionate about.
Spending time outdoors is something Emily finds thoroughly restorative. When she doesn’t get the chance to be outside for extended periods of time, noticing the sounds of wildlife around her, particularly bird songs, brings her great joy. While she offers sessions in a traditional office setting, she also loves the opportunity to get her clients out of the office and into the great outdoors.
Connect with Reset Outdoors:
Inspirational Quotes:
- 08:15 “Once you have kids… you can’t get anything done!” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 09:24 “We were all in it together even though we deal with it very differently.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 15:09 “We glamorize what used to be… And it’s realizing that as hard as it’s been, it’s also an opportunity to redefine and embrace some new norms.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 18:33 “Just do what you can even if it’s less than normal, and do it with your full heart and intention.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 21:29 “Be careful that you don’t minimize the impact that things have had on folks that deal with things differently.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 23:36 “Even though we’re all fiercely independent, we’re still a part of communities wherever we are.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 26:36 “We’d still be in a messy situation even if the pandemic hasn’t happened. We’re in a mental health breakdown prior to the pandemic. That just brought it to the surface faster.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 27:13 “Be really careful to not find the silver lining in the stuff that has zero silver lining… That’s a survival technique but it doesn’t always work that way.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 28:17 “Men as a whole have been taught to suppress their emotions. It’s a stereotype but it’s a stereotype that holds. I hope that men are encouraged to talk about this. Depression is a fatal mental illness in men and it’s got to be tackled.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 29:23 “Prior to Covid, socializing was more of a speed dating versus getting to know. If people take advantage of it, it is an opportunity to redefine the ‘who’ and ‘how’ you want to connect into those relationships.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 34:40 “Words are powerful but actions are what needs to be deliberate.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 38:07 “Ego is not a great thing. However, our ego is not going anywhere— it’s learning how to tame it.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 38:42 “Give yourself some grace— Beating yourself up doesn’t necessarily make everything better.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 39:26 “If you’re someone who has a hard time asking for help, then give some help to someone first.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 48:49 “You’re not going to be your best self all the time. Have compassion for yourself.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 46:40 “Things do change so you’ll find yourself rewiring yourself.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 46:59 “You’re human. You’re doing the best you can. Even when you’re not, you’re doing great.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 50:39 “We’ve never been in this moment before. As much as we’d like to, we’re not going to get perfect.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 51:24 “It’s tough, and it’s tough before a pandemic. They don’t advertise alcohol to adults for no reason. But it’s life— Show up for it! You’re not going to know your successes till you look behind and see what you’ve done.” -Timothy, Gonzo Parent
- 52:19 “It’s not about making them, it’s about what is learned after the mistakes are made.” -Michelle, Gonzo Parent
- 56:23 ”Self-care is a professional development strategy, an investment that companies are starting to realize is absolutely necessary to their overall performance.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:00:32 “The knowing makes it more challenging.” -Jay Rooke
- 01:00:54 “You can’t be totally prepared. We do ourselves a disservice by not being able to speak openly about how hard it can be.” -Emily Moriarty
- 01:03:41 “It is one thing to be fearful for ourselves. But when you have children, you not only have your own fear, but you have to be there as a protector for your kids.” -Jay Rooke
- 01:07:28 “Parenting is the highest of highs— your ability to feel love, warmth, and joy is expanded beyond your ability to comprehend. But that also comes with the ability to feel a depth of craziness, sorrow, frustration, and anger.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:14:34 “There are examples of incredible human beings, emotional Titans who are able to lead fulfilling emotionally stable lives. But they’re exceptions to the rule. To have them be the standard that we should all be striving for is unrealistic and does us a disservice.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:16:43 “We need to find a way to get back to each other. This separation, this polarization is not doing any of us any good.” -Emily Moriarty
- 01:17:06 “What the pandemic has shown us is just how much we need each other. We’re expected to be everything to our kids. What we learned the hard way through the pandemic is that we need other people in our kiddos’ lives.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:19:43 “To gain that depth of awareness within ourselves, we need to experience or at least be with other people as they navigate their own experience.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:24:59 “The goal shouldn’t be perfection. The goal needs to be balanced. A good bridge between those two things is to simply consider your intention.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:28:12 “Routine is great but flexibility and adaptability are equally as great.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:30:30 “We don’t always get it right. Do what you can to take care of yourself a bit— that’s really all we can do.” -Emily Moriarty
- 01:33:39 “If you know that there are things you can do that help you, do them— It can feel like you’re taking time away from your family or it’s selfish. But push through it because it’s the most selfless thing you can do. It allows you to be a better parent and your family needs you to do that.” -Emily Moriarty
- 01:38:36 “You can ask for help. You can receive it. You can still be loved even when things are hard.” -Emily Moriarty
- 01:38:52 “If you find yourself struggling to figure out what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it, it’s okay. Acknowledging that starts stretching those muscles and growing your capacity.” -Connor Moriarty
- 01:40:54 “There’s no separation. There’s no difference. If you do it for yourself, you’re doing it for them.” -Connor Moriarty